At our core, it is Safety that we ultimately crave..
When I talk about safety in my sessions, it is often met with confusion. Safety is often thought of purely as physical safety which thankfully, most of my clients have created for themselves.
However, the safety I am referring to is deeper. It’s the kind of safety your nervous system feels. It’s the ability to relax, to return to calm after being triggered. In this space of inner safety, one feels grounded, emotionally regulated, connected, and able to navigate life with clarity. So, it’s not only physical, it’s emotional, psychological and social safety too.
One thing I have seen consistently in my work, is that everyone ultimately wants this safety. We may say we are looking for peace, harmony, connection, but underneath these desires is the longing for safety. Without it, peace, harmony and connection feel out of reach. When we feel safe within ourselves, it allows us to focus, to grow, to heal. It is foundational to our wellbeing.
Our nervous system is constantly sensing our environment, our interactions, our needs, our subconscious perceptions of the world, even our energetic memory. This sophisticated system takes in all this information and shapes our emotional responses and our behaviours.
What are the three states of our Nervous System?
Polyvagal Theory introduced by Dr. Stephen Porges describes three states within our Autonomic Nervous System
1. The Ventral Vagal State - Safety and Connection
This is our regulated state. Our body feels relaxed, safe. We physically experience this with a normal heart rate, slower & deeper calm breaths. Digestion, rest, recovery & healing are supported. We feel more emotionally regulated, creative and social connected.
2. The Sympathetic State – Fight or Flight
This is state activates when we perceive a threat. We experience this physically by an increased heart rate, shallow and faster breathing, increased blood flow to our muscles getting us ready to ‘escape’ from the situation. Emotionally we may feel dysregulated, overwhelmed, anxious and often we get stuck in that overthinking loop – something we often explore in my therapy space.
3. The Dorsal Vagal State – Shutdown & Disconnection
This state is a response when the threat feels overwhelming or persistent. It presents in two ways: Freeze - associated with shut down, disconnection, numbness, low energy and Fawn - a survival strategy which adapts to stay safe through pretending, pleasing and appeasing.
Why does this matter?
The reality is that in this fast-paced world that we live in, many of us are chronically stuck in dysregulated states. Either we are in Fight or Flight mode which presents as chronic stress or anxiety, or in Freeze or Fawn mode where we shut down or disconnect with others and ourselves. Hustle culture has normalised this and sometimes even rewards it. However, the intelligence in our body knows that this is not sustainable, nor is it normal to be this dysregulated for long periods of time. Which is why so many of seek solutions. The $2 trillion wellness market is on the upward trend.
Is the goal to stay regulated and calm the whole time?
No, not really. Stress is part of life and can even be helpful. It is important both for our protection and it can drive us forward. What we are aiming for is to prevent us staying in chronic dysregulation.
Inner safety can be impacted many things. It could be a real or perceived unsafe situation or environment. For some it could be conflict with your partner or family member. For some it can be linked with feelings of abandonment or betrayal. It could be when there are financial or family pressures. The reality is that this list can often look different for everyone.
What we are really looking at is nervous system flexibility. How quickly can we move from dysregulation back into regulation? How quickly can we feel that physical, emotion and psychological safety within our body again.
So how do we create safety for our nervous system?
There are three parts to nervous system regulation which I see in my work.
1. Deeper Healing Work - If we are holding on to belief systems, trauma or energetic memory from our past which trigger this feeling of unsafety within, they can repeatedly pull us into dysregulated states. This is where therapeutic and deeper healing modalities can really help to investigate and process these patterns. In my practice, I’ve found the combination of talking therapy, hypnotherapy, mindfulness, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Energy healing modalities (eg Reiki) can be deeply supportive and impactful, but there are many approaches that can be explored.
2. Somatic Work - This can support healing and help the body feel safe again. Some examples include: meditation & mindfulness, breathwork, yoga, chi kung, movement practice, exercise, dancing & shaking.
3. Nervous System Supporting Daily Habits - Which include good sleep hygiene, nourishing your body with health foods and hydration, morning sunlight exposure, reducing stressors (eg news, social media, screen time) and creating healthy boundaries where you need.
Everyone’s needs are different, so it’s really about connecting with your own system and listening to what it needs. Your inner wisdom is always there, guiding you back to a version of yourself that feel safe & peaceful. Sometimes we just get busy or forget to listen…
If you are struggling, you don’t have to do this alone. If you would like to explore this work together, you are welcome to book in Free Initial Consultation. We can chat about what you are experiencing and how I can support you on your journey back to inner safety.